Chubby McChubbersons

I mentioned in my first post on this blog that I am trying to lose weight. There is a differences between trying to lose weight and wanting to lose weight, and I have definitely been doing more of the latter.

Fear not, kind reader, I have no intention of making this a blog about weight loss. It takes a special blogger (like Wendy McClure, for example) to make such a thing interesting. But I do want to discuss the tension I feel between being a foodie and trying to lose weight.

When I was in my early 20s I gained about 30 pounds, and in 2003 I lost it with the help of Weight Watchers. It was actually astoundingly easy. Since then, as I've watched the weight creep back on, I have tried WW several more times, and I wasn't able to stick with it. The reasons that WW worked so well the first time:

1. I was single and didn't really have much of a social life, so I didn't go out to eat that often.
2. I was living in Shelbyville, so for the most part it was at least a 30 minute drive to get to my favorite restaurants.
3. I didn't really know how to cook and was, for some reason, content to eat a LOT of Lean Cuisine.
4. I had not yet realized my profound love of beer.

In 2004 I started dating a man who introduced me to the sublime pleasures of meals made up of bread, cheese, and wine. Consumed in bed. We ate avocados by themselves and artichokes dipped in butter. It was decadent and wonderful. Wine-soaked evenings turned into hangovers that were treated with greasy Waffle House breakfasts the following morning. Not surprisingly, I started gaining weight again.

At the end of 2004 I met Neil, who is certainly my culinary soulmate (aside from his bizarre dislike of biscuits and gravy). Neil is the love of my life and there are many wonderful things about him and our relationship that are outside the realm of this blog, but one of the single most important effects he's had on my life is that he taught me to like beer. And I actually have a whole other post brewing (haha) about beer and my journey toward it and my love of it, but suffice it to say for now that we drink a LOT of it. We drink beer the way many people drink soda (or, for that matter, water). We actually discussed getting an engagement Kegerator instead of an engagement ring when the time comes. It's like that.

So now here I sit, wearing jeans that I bought in August that are already squishing my middle in uncomfortable ways. Something needs to happen here, I'm just not sure what. Except I actually know exactly what to do: eat better (not even necessarily less) and exercise more. Or, as Michael Pollan says, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." But my foodie nature (is that like Buddha nature?) wants to eat everything, including Alice Waters soufflés that contain 29.5 grams of fat per serving. Last night we went to Bourbon's Bistro where we split a "Lobster and Fresh Goat Cheese Tart with Roasted Leeks and Peppers, topped with Grilled Red Onion and a Garlic, Saffron and Tomato Cream Sauce" and then I had "Bacon Wrapped Diver Scallops served with a Lavender Asian Pear Coulis and drizzled with a Balsamic Reduction, served with Sweet Onion Grits and sauteed Patty Pan Squash." We also split a bottle of pinot gris and a piece of cheesecake. Such meals bring me tremendous pleasure. I don't want to have to feel guilty about eating them.

Of course, this flabulous belly of mine is not the result of eating such meals; we can rarely afford to do so. It's the result of too many meals at home (which are actually often restaurant carry-out) that are centered around convenience. I've got to start paying more attention to what I eat and planning my meals and going to the grocery store regularly. If we're eating lean meats and veggies for dinner most nights it won't matter if I want to make a fatty soufflé for Sunday breakfast once in a while.

Somehow I just have to get it through my head that foodie-ness and weight loss are not incompatible. I just need to base my eating on cooking wholesome foods rather than on eating everything that sounds good. We will see how this goes.